CATFISH
by craigifer
Summary: Karkat has been dating Gamzee online for six months now but has never met him in person. When he finally gets to meet him he soon realizes that things were not at all like he expected. (Human AU with tons of minor pairings. Primarily GamKar.)
1. Distance

**hey there! this is my first homestuck fic, so be easy on me. uvu**

**it's a humanstuck au and is primarily gamkar but includes tons of minor ships blah blah blah**

**it should be obvious why this is rated m**

**i plan on updating this one regularly! i already have it 100% planned out so i just have to actually write the chapters!**

**all reviews / favourites / follows are appreciated! c:**

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_**carcinoGeneticist [CG] **__began pestering __**terminallyCapricious [TC]**_

_**CG: **__GAMZEE HURRY THE FUCK UP AND GET ON SO WE CAN VIDEO CHAT._

_**CG: **__SCHOOL STARTS SOON AND YOU KNOW I CAN'T BE LATE JUST BECAUSE I WAITED FOR YOU TO GET YOUR SLOW ASS UP._

I sighed, staring at the screen of my laptop, waiting for Gamzee to reply. I had been dating this idiot online for six months now and we always started our mornings like this. I would get up about an hour or two earlier than I needed to in order to get ready for school and wait around for my boyfriend to get up and video chat with me before I left to actually go to the hell that was school. It was actually really stupid because I could easily just video chat with him once I got back from school and save myself some sleep, but no. For some reason, I felt the need to talk to this guy every morning and see his stupidly cute messed up morning hair through a shitty just-barely 360p camera. He made me happy in the mornings, I guess, which I needed, considering that I was definitely _not _a morning person.

_**TC:**__ AlRiGhT mOtHeRfUc;KeR, i'M uP._

_**TC: **__:o)_

_**CG: **__GOOD. I'M GONNA START THE CALL NOW AND YOU BETTER ANSWER._

I smiled a little as I quickly hovered my cursor over the _'Start Video Call' _button and clicked it. It rung twice before Gamzee answered, smiling back at me with his hair a trainwreck, just like I liked it.

"Good Morning, Karkles." Great, he just had to use that stupid excuse of a nickname he gave me, first thing in the morning.

"Don't call me that, ugh!" I groaned, my smile quickly turning into a scowl. Gamzee just laughed and moved closer to the camera so I could see him better. He didn't have his ridiculous clown make-up on in the mornings, which was another reason I maybe liked him better in the morning. "It's a dumb nickname and I, quite frankly, hate it."

"Aww, nah brother, you know you all up and love it when I call you that." Gamzee did a lame excuse for a wink at me and I rolled my eyes. Sometimes Gamzee would try to be seductive or sexy or whatever and every single time he failed horribly. It was actually kind of funny, how bad he was at it. It was like he didn't have the ability to be anything more than a silly asshole.

We chatted through webcam for about an hour straight, like normal, until I looked down at the time and frowned. It was 8 AM now, which meant I had to hang up so I could catch the bus to school.

"Fuck, I have to go now, Gamzee." I sighed, watching as my boyfriend frowned too, except he did that weird clown frown thing where it was more of a happy frown and it was actually too weird for me to explain, fuck it.

"Well give a brother a motherfucking kiss before you all up and leave, motherfucker." Gamzee smiled again and leaned into the camera, pressing the lips against his lens. I hesitantly moved close to my lens too and kissed it, feeling instantly stupid afterwards. I just kissed a goddamn camera, so stupid. But it made the clown happy and so I just laughed it off and waved at him before hanging up. _'Time to go to my hell-hole of a school'_, I thought to myself.

I quickly grabbed my things and walked out of my room, seeing my brother in the living room doing whatever the fuck he does, I could really care less. His name was Kankri and he was an annoying nineteen year-old prick. I really couldn't stand him because he talked way too much about things that nobody cared about and because he was always watching my movement, telling me to_ 'watch my language, you might trigger someone' _or _'don't wear that shirt, it has offensive language on it that may trigger someone'_. Trigger, trigger, trigger. I swear that was his favourite word and it got on my goddamn nerves. Unfortunately for me though, I had to deal with him all the time at home because our dad died last year, leaving him to be the legal guardian in the house. It was stupid, I was smart enough to take care of myself, I didn't need that asshole sticking around any longer. But since I was only sixteen, I could not legally live by myself, which was also stupid. _Everything was stupid._

"Have a nice day at school, Karkat." Kankri said, not even looking at me as he did because he was too busy typing something. I just waved and absconded the apartment, seeing my neighbors conveniently leave at the same time as me.

I lived in a decently sized two-bedroom apartment in the middle of San Francisco, right to the left of my two classmates, John and Dave. My apartment number was 6 and theirs was 7, making us have the two apartments right in the middle of the hallway. We would usually wait for the bus together and walk home together too after school since we lived so close.

John happily waved at me, greeting me as usual in his cheery tone. "Karkat! Morning, dude!" He chimed. His boyfriend Dave did his stupid cool-kid wave at me and I just glared at him. God he pissed me off. He always thought he was just the coolest thing on earth and it was annoying. He was just about as cool as a fucking pizza roll right out of the microwave. Pizza rolls were scorching when they came out of the microwave, not cool. ...You probably took that the wrong way, I was _not_ calling Dave hot, okay? He's just... not cool.

"Hey guys." I finally said, starting down the hallway with them. We all stood together as we waited for the elevator to come up, which only took a split second considering that we lived on the second floor. The first floor had no rooms on it, it was simply just a big lounge that nobody ever used.

When we had all made it to the bus stop, I quickly claimed the entire bench, throwing off my backpack to the right of me so that neither John or Dave could sit there. I made sure that they never sat on this bench anymore because last time they did they just spent the whole wait making out with John straddled on Dave's lap. It was gross and I had no idea how they had the indecency enough to just sit in public and make out as if they were home alone together. It always made me jealous, seeing how close they were. They got to touch eachother everyday, hold hands, and kiss whenever they wanted to. It wasn't fair, I could never do those things with my boyfriend because he lived two hours away and the closest I could ever get to that was our silly camera kisses.

Gamzee lived all the way in Sacramento, a fucking boring city that also happened to be in California as well. Even though we both lived in the same state, we never got to meet because neither of us had licenses. I didn't because, well... I failed every fucking driving test I took. The teachers would always tell me that I was_ 'way too impatient and drove too fast' _and that my test answers were usually way off. It wasn't my fault that when the question asked me what to do when waiting for pedestrians to walk through a crosswalk I put_ 'honk at them until they hurry their slow fuckasses up'_. I just really hated fill-in-the-blank tests because apparently whatever answer I wrote ended up being wrong. I wanted my license so fucking bad but because of those tests, I never got it.

And Gamzee, on the other hand, well he was 18 years old, I had no idea why he hadn't gotten his license yet. I actually didn't know much about him at all. All I knew was that he was finished with highschool, graduating last year, and that he had a weird obsession with clown paraphernalia. And that he made me happy for some reason. We met through facebook, ironically, since I hated that website. He sent me a message saying that he thought I was _'motherfucking cute' _and that he had to add me because of that. I was weary of him at first, thinking he was another one of those idiots who saw my sexuality listed as gay on there and just wanted to bang me because I was into their gender. But no, Gamzee never even brought up the subject of sex around me and he just would listen to me rant everyday about god-knows-what. And the best part was that he actually did listen, he would comfort me when I felt down and he would cheer me up whenever I went into one of my crying fits. We grew closer and I found myself starting to like him more and more with every other time we talked. And during one of our video calls I accidentally blurted it out and Gamzee said we should date then. And to think that all happened six months ago, it was weird. It felt like yesterday when I had started dating the goofball. I loved Gamzee but I hated the distance.

The bus finally arrived and I boarded it behind John and Dave. They walked all the way to the end of the aisle, sitting in the back area where basically all of our friends sat. I sat in the seat in front of them, taking out my phone and sighing boredly as I opened up an app and started to play it. I could hear the dumbasses behind me making out again and I wanted to throw my bag at them to shut them up. Jeez, they just couldn't keep their hands off of eachother. The bus stopped twice before stopping at the pickup area that our other friend, Sollux, lived at.

I looked up and scooted over in my seat, already knowing that Sollux was going to sit next to me, as he usually did. Sollux yawned, saying good morning to all of us before he started angrily texting someone. I already knew who he must've been texting, it was the only person who made him get angry like that whenever he texted them. And speak of the devil, we were at his bus stop. I watched him strut (yes, strut) onto the bus and didn't even bother to greet him. His name was Eridan and he was a huge prick that nobody liked. He lived in the rich part of town and always carried himself as if he was better than everyone else. He bothered me, yes, but nowhere near as much as he bothered Sollux. Him and Sollux sort of had this love-hate thing going on. One minute they were arguing to no end and the next minute they were hate snogging all over the place. It was one weird-ass relationship, to say the least.

Eridan sat in the seat to the left of Sollux, already starting an argument with him that I ignored in favour of staring out the window to watch as the bus passed a bunch of houses. Our small little group of friends had been together since middle school, so we all knew eachother for a long time and we all knew when and when not to ignore eachother. This was a time when they needed to be ignored.

It was kind of funny how our group met. We all met in ninth grade in orientation. We all had a bunch of classes together and we all had one thing in common that made us all want to hang out with eachother: _we were all gay_. Being some of the only homosexual kids at our school who had openly come out, we got along and just turned into this small little pack of homos. The _'Fag Posse'_, as some people liked to call it.

It was finally lunch time and I had been waiting for it all day. I spent so long talking to Gamzee this morning that I had totally forgotten to eat, so I was starving. But I hated school lunch food so I brought my own food everyday. Today I had brought Subway, which was now cold from being in my backpack all day, but I didn't really care. Usually I would wait for the others to sit down before I ate, but not today. I was _way_ too hungry.

By the time the other guys had came over and sat at the table I was already more than halfway done with my food. Eridan smirked at me as I ate and I just glared at him in return.

"What are you staring at me for, Eridon't?!" That was my personal nickname for this asshole because I couldn't stand him.

"Wwell don't be fuckin' rude, Kar. I'm just observin' is all." I forgot to mention that he also spoke with this ridiculously dumb accent.

"Thop tharing at kk, he doesn't like you dumbath." Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that too. Sollux had a lisp.

"Shut the fuck up Sol, I wwasn't talkin' to you!" And here we go again, the Eridan-Sollux hate war began.

They started to argue and I just toned them out, finishing my food. I grabbed for my apple juice to take a sip out of until I noticed that it was gone, my eyes quickly going straight to Dave, since I knew he was the only one who loved apple juice enough to steal mine.

"Give me back my apple juice, dickbag!" I growled, watching the blonde insufferable prick take a swig out of it.

"Okay here, you can have it back," He said, passing me the bottle. I was about to drink the rest of it until he added on "but if you drink out of it you're totally indirectly kissing me."

In annoyance, I slammed the bottle down. "What's with you guys trying to flirt with me so much today?!" Dave just laughed and John elbowed him for it.

"I don't know man, you're pretty much the only single one out of all of us, you look like you need some love in your life." Dave stated, only making me angrier.

"I have a boyfriend!" Soon, everybody's eyes moved to me, Eridan and Sollux even stopping their argument to stare at me too.

"Woah! Since when? Who is he?" John asked, smiling excitedly.

I just blushed a little and looked away. I didn't want them to find out about my relationship, it just sort of came out of my mouth. I awkwardly stayed silent for a while then finally answered, still looking away.

"His name is Gamzee, and no, he doesn't go to this school. He lives in Sacramento and we're dating online, I guess..." I could already feel it. They were judging me. All of them.

"Have you guys met before?"

"No."

John raised a brow at me, confused. "Well, how can you date some guy you've never even met before then? Don't you think that's... weird?"

"It's not weird, it's just kind of... sucky. Like I can't really be with him in person so our relationship is so limited. I just wish I could meet him just once..." I sighed, staring at John and Dave. Lucky assholes got to be around eachother 24/7 and they didn't realize how lucky they were.

"Well he lives in Sacramento, right? That's only two hours away! Just drive up and see him!"

I glared at him. He knew good and well that I didn't have a license, so I just kept glaring until he got the point.

"Oh... haha, yeah! I forgot you don't have one. Dave can take you, he has one!" I perked up a bit, quickly moving my attention to Dave again.

"You'd take me, Dave?" It was kind of pathetic how much I was hoping for him to say yes. But I just really wanted to meet Gamzee so bad, I would do anything.

Dave just sort of shrugged then gave in, nodding at me. "Yeah, sure. We can go Friday night or whatever."

Words couldn't describe how happy I was to hear that. I just smiled a little and looked down, excited as ever.

I was finally going to meet him.

I was going to meet Gamzee.


	2. Patience

The rest of the school day was a blur. I couldn't focus on anything, the only thing I could think about was the fact that I was really going to meet Gamzee. I was going to finally get to meet the guy I've only been able to see through a shitty webcam and pictures, in person. I would get to touch him, hug him, and maybe even kiss him. Maybe...

Once I got home I rushed into my room, not even greeting my brother. I had to tell Gamzee the good news as soon as possible, he'd be so thrilled. I'd hope he'd be, at least. Maybe he wouldn't be though and I was just getting way too excited. It was pretty rare for me to get so giddy about something like this but, fuck, I couldn't help it. This wasn't something I could just pretend to be chill about. I was_ not _chill. I was fucking estatic and I was, unfortunantly, going to show it.

I quickly spotted my laptop on my bed and flipped it open, logging onto Pesterchum immediatly. Scrolling down my Chum list I found Gamzee's Chumhandle and was dissapointed to see that he was offline. Fucking great, I got all excited to share the big news only to find out that he wasn't even online. It was actually sort of weird for him to not be online for once, he was usually always online right after I got home from school because he knew that I liked talking to him whenever I got home. I frowned and just shrugged it off, I guess I would just tell him later then.

Now I had to find something to do. I still had to do my homework but... no. That could wait. I needed something better to do than that. Maybe I could watch a movie. Glancing at the shelf in my room full of my giant collection of Romantic Comedies, I sighed. Most of those movies I had already watched a thousand times, rewatching them would be just as boring as doing my homework. Basically, everything that I could think to do sounded boring.

It quickly dawned on me how dependent I was on Gamzee. I literally spent all of my time at home chatting with him on Pesterchum. I really didn't do much of anything else anymore... It was kind of pathetic, really. Actually no, it_ was _pathetic. So pathetic.

With nothing else to do, I slumped out of my room and into the living room. Kankri was in there, as usual, but this time he was on the phone with someone. I was actually surprised that guy had friends to even call, he was such a prick. I couldn't even imagine someone holding a conversation longer than five minutes with him without getting absolutely annoyed by his trigger talk.

He hung up a few minutes later then turned his attention to me. "Karkat, I am not going to be here this weekend, I'll be staying in Las Vegas with my friends for a birthday party. I am hoping you can behave yourself while I am gone, I won't be back until Tuesday."

I rolled my eyes at him. As if I cared that he was going to leave! "Yeah, well I won't even be here this weekend, it really doesn't matter."

He raised a brow at me. "Oh? I do not think you informed me of that. Where will you be going?"

I hated the way he spoke. It was so annoyingly proper, I just wanted to throw a brick at him sometimes. Scratch that, not just sometimes. _All of the time_. I don't think I could possibly get a more annoying brother.

"To visit Gamzee in Sacramento."

"Gamzee? Who is that?"

"My boyfriend."

Kankri just gave me that same surprised look that everyone else had given me at lunch. Honestly, I didn't see what was so surprising about me having a boyfriend. Did I really seem that hard to date?!

"Oh. Well, please do be careful. I'm guessing, and please do excuse me if I am wrong, that he is the one you often chat with online?"

"Yeah, that guy. I'm leaving on Friday with Dave, he's gonna drive me or whatever."

"Sounds good. I'm leaving tonight, so I suppose I will see you again on Tuesday then. Have fun with your significant other!" He then got up from the couch and walked into his room, I'm guessing to start packing. I really could care less.

Since he was finally out of the living room for once, I claimed the couch and grabbed the remote, turning on the tv. Hopefully, I'd find a RomCom playing right now that I hadn't seen before. Which was hard, considering that I used to spend almost all of my time watching those movies before I met Gamzee.

I flicked through the channels until I saw _50 First Dates _was on and settled for that. I know I _just_ said that I wanted to find a movie that I hadn't seen before, but I couldn't resist this one. It was my absolute favourite and I could honestly watch it on repeat for a whole week straight without getting tired of it. It was just too great, don't judge me.

One minute I was watching Adam Sandler try to woe the woman of his dreams on tv and the next minute i was in pitch black darkness. I rubbed my eyes a bit, yawning as I did so. Apparently, I fell asleep on the couch while watching the movie, great. The tv was off so I guessed Kankri turned it off before he left.

I slowly got up, feeling groggy as fuck. What time was it even? I checked my phone and saw that it was already 9 PM, which meant I slept for about five hours or something. Gamzee _had _to be on now, if he wasn't I would be pissed.

Once I got back into my room I quickly went straght to my laptop like I had done before. I checked Pesterchum once again and let out a sigh of relief. That idiot was finally online.

_**carcinoGeneticist [CG] **__began pestering __**terminallyCapricious [TC]**_

_**CG: **__WHERE THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN?_

_**CG: **__I HAVE LITERALLY BEEN WAITING ALL DAY FOR YOU TO GET ONLINE, SHITSPONGE._

_**TC: **__oH sHiT MoThErFuCkEr, SoRrY fOr mAkInG yOu AlL uP aNd WaIt._

_**TC: **__I hAd OnE oF mY bEsT bRoS aLl Up AnD oVeR aNd LoSt TrAcK oF tImE._

_**TC:**__ :o(_

_**CG: **__YEAH WELL IT'S FINE NOW, I DON'T REALLY GIVE A TWO-FACED FUCK._

_**CG: **__I HAVE GOOD NEWS TO SHARE WITH YOU._

_**TC:**__ WeLl aLrIgHt tHeN, mOtHeRfUcKeR. lEt's hEaR ThE MoThErFuCkInG GoOd nEwS!_

_**TC: **__:o)_

I was about to type it out to him but then decided against it. I'd actually want to see his reaction, he'd probably do that huge smile again and say something like _'wow that's motherfucking great karkat i can't wait to see you' _or something. Well, it probably wouldn't be worded exactly like that, but I was more than positive that it would involve the word _'motherfuck' _somewhere in it because Gamzee apparently loved that word.

_**CG:**__ CAN I TELL YOU THROUGH WEBCAM?_

_**CG: **__FUCK._

_**CG: **__WHY AM I ASKING YOU IF I CAN?_

_**CG:**__ I *WILL* TELL YOU THROUGH WEBCAM WHETHER YOU WANT ME TO OR NOT._

_**CG:**__ I'M GOING TO CALL NOW, FUCKFACE._

Before even giving Gamzee the chance to reply I mashed down on the call button. I was getting all excited again and fuck waiting. It took him till the fourth beep to answer, which was sort of long for him. Then again, I was sort of forcing him...

"Hey motherfucker." He said as he adjusted his camera so that I could see him. He was eating one of those pies he seemingly always baked.

"What makes you think you can just call me_ 'motherfucker' _all of the time?! I am your goddamn boyfriend, stop calling me that!" Sometimes it just annoyed me. It felt like every single time we webcammed he had to start out calling me some stupid nickname or _that_ word.

Gamzee just laughed at me and didn't answer. Instead he asked me about the thing I wanted to tell him. "So what were you so all up and motherfucking excited to tell me, Karbro?"

"I was gonna tell you tha-..." I cut myself off and glared at the wall behind me.

_OH._

_ FUCK._

_ NO._

I could hear Dave and John through the goddamn wall. They were fucking banging eachother against the wall apparently and I could hear every single bit of it. It was like there wasn't even a wall! If I closed my eyes and thought about it enough, I could probably _see_ them too! Fucking dumbasses!

"Why'd you stop talking, Karkles?" Gamzee just had a confused look on his face and I glared at him as well.

"You don't hear that?!"

"Hear what? All I all up and hear is your motherfucking cute self talking to me."

I rolled my eyes. Now was _not_ the time for that.

"My fucking stupid neighbors are fucking! And I can hear them through the wall!"

Once again, he just laughed at me. I picked up the closest pillow next to me and harshly threw it at the wall. "HEY FUCKASSES. STOP HAVING OBNOXIOUSLY LOUD SEX RIGHT NEXT TO THE FUCKING WALL. IT'S DISTURBING AND I'M TRYING TO TALK TO GAMZEE!" I yelled at the top of my lungs to make sure they could hear me.

"O-Oh~! Wait Dave, Dave hold on! K-Karkat can hear u-us..." Of course I could fucking hear them, they were RIGHT ON THE FUCKING WALL.

"Let him listen then, John. My dick is in fucking Cloud 9 right now and he is not coming down yet." I swear to god if Dave wasn't the one taking me to see Gamzee this weekend I would kill him for even saying that. They started fucking the shit out of eachother again and I let out a loud groan before unplugging my laptop and hauling it into the living room. I sat on the couch and looked back on the screen and saw Gamzee laughing as if he just saw the funniest thing.

Hearing John moan Dave's name over and over again was _not_ funny.

"Stop laughing! It's not even funny, dude!"

"Yes it motherfucking is!" He laughed a bit more before taking another bite of pie. "So now, what were you gonna all up and tell me?"

I froze for a second. Suddenly, I started feeling scared. What if he didn't even want to meet me in person? What if he thought this was taking it too far? My mind started going through tons of negative thoughts and I basically had to force myself to blurt it out.

"I-I'm gonna get to meet you, Gamzee! This weekend... My friend Dave is going to drive me up to Sacramento... so I can see you..." My voice lowered at the end and I slowly looked back at the screen, fearing the worst.

Instead of seeing Gamzee get upset about it, he did that huge smile that I had originally been hoping for and honked.

"Woah man, what?! Really? That's motherfucking bitchtits awesome!"

I smiled too, glad to see that he was excited just like I was. "Yeah, it'll be cool! I'll finally meet you..."

Gamzee gasped, hearing his phone ring, and picked it up. He typed something, I'm guessing a text, to someone then looked up at me with a frown.

"Aww, bro, I have to all up and go. Tavbro wants me to help him with something."

I may or may not have twitched a bit in annoyance. That_ 'Tavbro' _person was always taking Gamzee away from me. It seemed like every other time he had to hang up on our calls it was because he had to go do something with him. I never hung up on Gamzee to go hang out with one of _my_ friends, it only seemed fair that he'd do the same for me. But I guess not, apparently.

"Uh... Well, okay. Talk to you later, I guess."

Gamzee kissed the screen then waved at me. "I'll all up and talk to you tomorrow, Karkles. Love you, motherfucker!" He smiled one last time then hung up.

A sigh escaped my lips.

Now I had to decide on whether I would sleep on the couch again or risk going back in my room to hear my friends go at it again.

I was definitely going to pick the couch.


	3. Worries

**Hey there! I'd just like to give a big thank you to everyone who has posted a review for this fanfic so far! It's my very first Homestuck fanfic and I was honestly very nervous about posting it on in the first place but everyone's made me feel welcome and yeah thank you!**

**Also sorry about how short this chapter is, it's sort of a filler, kinda? Don't worry, all of the Gamkar will be here soon! ;v;**

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The next day at school felt painfully slow. I swear all of the classes had another hour added to them because it felt _way_ too long. A sigh of relief escaped my lips once we had been dismissed to locker break.

I quickly found my locker in the middle of the hallway, turning the knob on it to unlock it. Luckily for me, I had an easy code. 6-9-6. It was almost too simple, it kind of creeped me out. Those numbers were always around me. My apartment number was 6, Kankri's favourite number was 9, and I was a Cancer so my zodiac symbol even looked like 69. It was fucking weird, to say the least.

Sollux appeared next to me after a minute or two. His locker was right beside mine so I always talked to him whenever we were at locker break. But I was tired today and sort of didn't want to talk to anybody. It was hard to sleep when your next door neighbors were loudly_ fucking _against the goddamn wall.

"Hey kk," I turned my attention to Sollux, giving him a questioning look. He just sort of narrowed his eyes at me and sighed. "You know about how you're going to go and meet your weird internet boyfriend?"

"Yeah, what about it? And he's not weird!" Okay, that was a lie. Gamzee was weird as fuck and it was dumb for me to even try and deny it. The fucker wears clown make-up! If that doesn't scream _'weirdo' _then I don't know what the fuck does.

"Are you thure that's really a good idea?"

I glared at him as if he was stupid. Of course I was sure! I had been wanting to see him for so long and I finally got a chance, hell yeah I was going to take advantage of that!

"Fuck you, yes I am. What the goddamn problem?!"

He rolled his eyes at me. Or at least, I'm assuming he rolled his eyes. I couldn't really tell since they were hidden behind those 3D looking glasses that he always wore. I wasn't even sure how he saw things through those dumb glasses but that's a whole different story.

"What if he'th not who he thays he ith!"

I just gave him another dumb look.

"I'm not fucking retarded, I video-chat with him all of the time, I'm positive that he's who he really says he is! Only a dumb shit would go all the way out to meet someone they've only met online when they've never even seen them over video!"

I watched as Sollux slammed his locker shut in annoyance.

"You're not getting the point, kk! I'm not thaying what if he doethn't look like he thays he doeth! I'm thaying, what if his perthonality ithn't the thame! He could a fucking therial murderer and you wouldn't even know!"

Sometimes Sollux said really irrationally stupid things that made me want to punch him in the face for saying. This was one of those things.

"Wow, Sollux, I think I would fucking know if my boyfriend was a serial killer! Gamzee probably isn't even smart enough to succesfully kill someone, the guy's a dumbass! Stop fucking worrying about me and worry about your own problems, jesus christ!"

"Tho you're dating a dumbath?"

I twitched.

"Did you even listen to a word I said?! Ugh." My tone softed a bit now. "Gamzee isn't a dumbass, okay? He's just... not always there? Like he spaces out all the time and forgets things easily, I guess. It's weird okay!"

"Thounds like a thoner."

"...Gamzee is not a fucking stoner! He told me himself that he doesn't do drugs! I would never fucking date someone who even remotely thinks about doing drugs!" I hated drugs with a burning goddamn passion. No, it doesn't even deserve my passion! I just hated them! It was always a touchy subject to me whenever someone tried to bring up anything to do with them. My dad was on them around the time he died and I'm almost positive that they were the things that killed him. Of course, I'll never know how he really died, nobody ever told me. Not even Kankri. I just sort of accepted the fact that he was gone and assumed the drugs did it to him. Either way, I hated every single kind of drug out there and decided I'd never associate myself with someone who even smoked. So of course I would never date a stoner, Sollux was just being an asshole.

"I'm just thaying! He might not be the perthon you think he ith and I don't want you to get hurt or anything! You thould at least be careful..." Sollux sounded like he genuinely cared but I sure as fuck didn't.

"Yeah, well, like I said, don't worry about me! And you're one to talk about bad boyfriends, look at your own boyfriend! He's a fucking hipster douchebag who thinks he's sooo much better than everyone else in this school just because his parents are rich!"

"Eridan isn't my boyfriend!" Sollux flared, I could tell he was mad now, he didn't even have his lisp. He hated it when anybody ever called Eridan his boyfriend even though it was so obvious that they were together. I even remember him saying it himself that Eridan was his boyfriend like two months ago in gym class. Someone had accidently hit Eridan with a volleyball and Sollux got really mad and said something along the lines of _'Watch where you throw the ball, you hit my boyfriend' _...something like that.

"Wow, okay, and my name isn't Karkat fucking Vantas. Don't even try to deny it, Captor! We all know, you've even said it before!"

He was silent for a while before he began to talk again, speaking under his breath.

"I just don't want everyone knowing, okay...? I hate the fact that I'm even attracted to that fish face but I am?" Sollux groaned, tugging at his hair in frustration.

"Yeah well, you just have to suck it up and deal. You like Eridan, nobody cares! Except maybe _I_ do because you're my friend and I think you could do better, but sti-" I cut myself off, seeing that the hallway was now empty. We were late to class and didn't even notice it with how much we were arguing. I sighed, starting to walk towards my Algebra class. "We have to go..."

Sollux nodded and followed behind me, giving up on our argument.

It was 9 PM now and I was currently chatting with Gamzee again over webcam. We had started out talking about some tv show we both watched and then ended up talking about our favourite restaurants and now we were just awkwardly staring at eachother. Gamzee's eyes were half-lidded as usual as he smiled dumbly at me, making me smile too. I didn't even know a smile was contagious but apparently it was.

Staring at Gamzee gave me time to think. The things that Sollux were saying were now finally starting to sink in and bother me. What if he was right? What if Gamzee really wasn't the same way he seemed over the camera? What if he was some kind of crazy murderer with mental problems? Well no, that was still a stupid idea. Gamzee was _not_ a murderer, what the fuck would he even kill people for? The guy always seemed like he had no care in the world, like nothing ever bothered him. He would have no reason to kill someone.

But what if he really was a druggie and he lied to me? I mean, Sollux was right, he did really act like a stoner. He would always seem calm,_ too _calm. His eyes were sometimes slightly pink, like he had been smoking. His voice even kind of sounded like one of those generic stoner voices. Kind of...

My smile turned into a frown as I looked at Gamzee more. It was scary to think that I would meet him soon but didn't know what to expect. I had to ask him about some things now, I had to make sure that I wanted to meet him.

I took a deep breath before finally speaking.

"Hey Gamzee?"

"Yeah, Karbro?"

"You haven't lied to me about yourself before, have you?"

My stomach was in knots as I waited for him to reply.

"Awe, nah bro, I would never all up and motherfucking lie to you. What's got you all up and thinking I would?"

I was so glad to hear to that.

"Uh... nothing. I'm just kind of nervous to meet you?"

He laughed then took a sip of the Faygo sitting beside him.

"You shouldn't be. I'm all up the and the same motherfucker you see right now. Except in person some people say I'm all up and taller than they thought."

I laughed too, smiling again.

"Well, I'm short, so I might have to look up to see you."

"Short guys like you are always the motherfucking cutest~"

We argued for a while after that about whether or not being short was cute.

It was just like all of our other conversations, relaxed and fun.

There was absolutely no way I could see Gamzee not being the same in person.

_No way_.


	4. Arrival

It was finally Friday.

It was fucking _FINALLY _Friday.

Today was finally the day that Dave said he'd drive me up to Sacramento to finally meet Gamzee. I woke up extra early (as if I don't wake up early enough as is) and quickly snapped open my laptop, hoping for Gamzee to be online so I could video chat with him and tell him how excited I was. But, once again, he was offline, which was very fucking disappointing. But whatever, I'd see him in person today anyways, so it wasn't a big deal. The idiot was probably just sleeping or something. It was like, five am right now, after all.

I shook my head and made my way into the bathroom, brushing my teeth before going into the shower to get ready. After my shower I wrapped a towel around my waist (which wasn't exactly necessary since I was literally the only one home at the moment) and went over to my closet. I had no clue what I wanted to wear today. It needed to be something decent since I was going to meet my boyfriend but... Fuck. What would Gamzee like?

Wait.

No.

I was _not_ doing this.

I practically slapped myself on the forehead for even thinking about giving a fuck about what I was going to wear. I sounded like some fourteen year-old girl going out on her first date! There was no way I was going to allow myself to sink down to that level. No goddamn way.

Groaning, I grabbed a grey sweater off of a hanger and threw it on. It was a very basic, plain sweater except for the fact that is had the word _'NO.' _across it in all caps in a bright red font. I didn't even remember buying this sweater but fuck, it was in my closet and I was going to wear it.

I moved over to my dresser and opened my underwear drawer. Once again I found myself fretting over what I should wear... God fucking damnit! Why did I even care?! It wasn't like the guy was gonna take my pants off and see my underwear anyways! I was not that easy and there was no way I would let myself sleep with him after just meeting him. It wasn't going to happen!

I rolled my eyes then pulled on some purple boxers, throwing on my plain denim skinny jeans over them. This would have to fucking do and if Gamzee didn't like it then oh fucking well. He'd just have to deal.

I heard my phone vibrate from across the room and I was sort of hoping that it'd be Gamzee. But when I picked up the phone and checked it was just Dave. Jeez.

_**NO I HATE THIS ASSHOLE at 5:39 AM - **__im gonna take you right after school so like pack your shit for the weekend and bring it with you yeah_

_**You at 5:40 AM - **__YEAH OK WHATEVER. YOU WANT ME TO MEET YOU IN THE PARKING LOT AFTER SCHOOL AT YOUR CAR?_

_**NO I HATE THIS ASSHOLE at 5:40 AM - **__obviously_

_**You at 5:41 AM - **__FUCK YOU. I WAS JUST MAKING SURE, ASSWIPE._

And that guy wondered why I set his name on my phone to_ 'NO I HATE THIS ASSHOLE'_...

Going back over to my closet I just threw two other random shirts, some more pairs of underwear and jeans, and some socks into my bag. I also grabbed my toothbrush and shoved it in there because there was no way I was going to let myself forget my own toothbrush and then be forced to share Gamzee's. That would be... disgusting, to say the least.

Now I needed something with his address on it. I should have made sure I had something with it on there before I even asked for Dave to take me all the way up to Sacramento but I was being stupid and not thinking. Really stupid. How were we supposed to get there without the address?!

I frantically searched around my room before seeing a box in my closet. It was the box that Gamzee had used to send me my birthday present in! I smiled and quickly grabbed it, glad to have finally found something with his address on it. I remembered when I had first got this package, he had sent me a little stuffed animal crab because he said I was _'crabby and motherfucking small and cute like a crab' _and I always lied and told him I hated this present but the truth was that I loved it dearly. That little crab plush always remained on my bed, safe and sound there for me to cuddle with at night. Wow that came out sounding alot gayer than I meant for it to sound.

I placed the empty box down on my desk and scribbled the address down on a sheet of paper, stuffing that in my bag as well. Now we could actually know where exactly we were going.

Once I was sure that I had everything I would need for the weekend at Gamzee's I walked outside and to the bus stop. I was early today, obviously, so John and Dave weren't by my side waiting with me this time. Actually, I didn't think they would be riding the bus at all today since Dave had to drive me to Gamzee's later. They were probably just going to go to school in Dave's car today which was fucking fantastic news. No flaming PDA this morning, thank god.

I basically followed and stalked Dave all day during school. Even in math, the class we don't have together, I kept an eye on him through the window that conveniently panned out to his Language Arts class. I had to make sure nothing happened to mess up our plans. Like, what if he suddenly got sick and had to go home? Or if he fell asleep in class and ended up in detention? No. I was _not_ going to let any of that bullshit happen and if it did I would stop it. Because nothing was going to get in the way of me getting with Gamzee.

Once the bell rung and we were dismissed, I rushed out of the school to find Dave outside in front of his car with John. ...Making out with him. I swear those two could not go five seconds without sucking face, it was so fucking annoying.

"HEY DIPSHITS!"

Dave glanced at me somewhat, shrugged, then went back to frenching with John.

He annoyed me so fucking much.

"Don't just ignore me, stop fucking John's mouth for one goddamn second and get in the fucking car so we can go!" I fumed, glaring at him.

He groaned then let go of John, waving to him as John went off to go catch the bus home.

"Man, don't act like you won't be doing the same thing with Gamezee when you see him tonight, Karkat."

"...Gamzee. It's pronounced Gamzee."

"That's what I said."

"No. You said Gamezee. Fucking say it right!"

Dave laughed before opening the car door and getting in. I just stood outside of the car still, glaring at him even more.

"Are you gonna get in the car or what?"

"Not until you say Gamzee's name right, Evad!"

"...Did you just call me Evad?"

"Yes. Evad."

"What is that even...?"

"IT'S FUCKING DAVE SPELLED BACKWARDS, IDIOT. YOU'RE SO FUCKING STUPID, I SWEAR TO GOD. I HATE YOU SO MUCH."

Dave raised a brow at me before breaking out into laughter again, making me scowl.

"What the fuck is funny?!"

"You. Oh my god, you're comedic gold, Karkat."

I wasn't trying to be funny and if Dave laughed one more time I would probably end up shoving my fist down his throat.

"NOTHING IS FU-"

"You know if you keep yelling like that I might not want to take you anymore."

...Shit, I wasn't going to risk it. Reluctantly, I got into the car, growling in annoyance. Dave started the car and backed out of the school's parking lot, speeding out of the place so he could get in front of the school buses. The guy drove like a mad man but I really didn't mind the speeding if it meant I could get to Gamzee sooner.

"Do you have the address?" He asked, glancing over to me as he drove. He should really keep his eyes on the road...

"Yeah," I rummaged through my overstuffed bag and finally found the crumpled sheet of paper I had wrote down the address on, passing it over to Dave so he could get us there.

He stared at the paper for a bit and then set it aside, taking out his phone to put the address into his navigation app. "It says we'll be there in like an hour and a half."

That was a whole half hour shorter than I was expecting, which made me smile ever so slightly. "Good. I'm just going to fucking sleep the whole ride though."

Dave shrugged then turned on the radio. He went through a few stations and apparently none of them were good enough for him so instead he connected his iPod and started playing some of his own music.

And by some of his own music, I do mean some of his _own_ music.

I thought I was going to sleep during the whole ride but his music was so awful that doing so seemed impossible now. How the fuck did Dave listen to this shit?! It sounded horrendous and almost as glitchy as that god awful webcomic the guy ran.

"Dave your music is horrible, turn it off!"

"Oh okay."

I thought he was going to be a pal and turn it off but no. He just turned it up louder and started driving slower. This asshole was torturing me.

"Fuck you, Dave! Ughhhh!" I groaned as I covered my ears and tried to fall asleep again. It took a while but eventually I found myself blacked out in slumber, thank the heavens.

"Yo man, we're here." I felt a nudge on my shoulder as I woke up, turning groggily to Dave. We were parked in front of a really nice house in the middle of some really nice neighborhood full of other really nice houses. Everything was... really nice. Too nice.

"Where are we...?" I asked, yawning and stretching a bit in my seat.

"At your boyfriend's house, apparently."

My eyes widened and I looked outside the window again, fully awake this time. This fucking magnum opus neighborhood was the one that Gamzee lived in?! I couldn't believe it, I was expecting some really lame small house in the middle of a trailer park or some shit. Not this!

"A-Are you sure we're in the right neighborhood?!"

Dave glanced down at the sheet of paper with the address sprawled across it and nodded. "Yeah, here look."

He passed me the paper and I compared the two addresses. He was right, this was it. This was the house that Gamzee lived in. The fucker never told me he was rich!

I picked my bag up and looked back over to Dave nervously. "Well then, I guess I'm gonna fucking go..."

He smirked a little and gave me a thumbs up. "I'll pick you up on Sunday night probably. Just give me a call if you need anything."

I slapped his stupid thumb down before getting out of the car. Hesitantly, I waved goodbye to Dave and he did the same back to me before driving off and away.

Turning back to the house, I sighed. This was all really happening. I was just a few feet away from my boyfriend and this was probably the most nerve wracking moment of my life.

I slowly made my way up to his front door and gulped. Okay, I was going to do this. I was going to just fucking ring the doorbell and lunge myself into Gamzee's arms or something lame like that.

Fuck.

Fuck fuck fuck.

My had shook nervously as it ghosted over the doorbell.

Here goes nothing.

_Ding dong._


	5. Expectations

**HEYYY LONG TIME NO UPDATE HAHAHAHA...HA.,,,A,A,,A,Hha,a,,aha ha sorry i suck B(**

**on the other hand, thanks for 2,000+ views on this story! it makes me really happy! ;u; **

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Any second now, Gamzee would open the door and I'd finally get to see him in person.

Any second now...

Any... Fucking... Second... Now...

My eye twitched a little as I stared at his door. What the fuck was taking him so goddamn long?! I had already been standing out here for a whole five minutes now and it was starting to piss me off. Not to mention that it was freezing cold outside since it was winter and all. I was literally freezing my ass off waiting for this guy.

Just as I was about to re-ring the doorbell the door opened finally, making me gasp a little since I wasn't really expecting it. My eyes wandered up and oHMYGOD THERE HE WAS. It was really him. It was Gamzee!

Yeah, I was happy he finally opened the door but I was still pissed at him for taking so long. There was no reason for him to take years to open a door when he knew his boyfriend was coming over for the first time, jeez!

"Oh shit, it's you motherfucker! Karbro!" Gamzee gave me a big smile and I just sorta glared back at him. But then that glare quickly turned into a soft stare once I realized how goddamn attractive he really was in person. He had messy, purple-tinted black hair, an adorably goofy smile, and eyes that felt like they stared straight into your soul. No, literally, I could not look him in the eyes anymore, it was giving me chills. My eyes wandered back down as I examined what he was wearing. He had on a black t-shirt with a big purple ':o)' emoticon splattered across it, matching purple jeans and black Doc Martens. His fashion sense was alright, I guess... He could use a little bit mo- Fuck!

My eyes widened a little as I was pulled into a hug. I didn't hug him back but that soon changed once I realized that I was really hugging Gamzee. I was finally hugging my boyfriend for the first time ever. It took a while but I finally hugged him back, nuzzling myself against his chest a bit. And that's when it really sunk in. Not the sappy bullshit about me finally meeting him, but the other big thing. The fact that I was basically a fucking midget in height compared him!

Gamzee finally let go and laughed at me, still smiling. "I didn't expect you to be so motherfucking short, Karkat." I rolled my eyes and blushed a little. This guy had to be at least an entire foot taller than me. I was only 5'1" so that would make Gamzee at least 6'1"... Why was he so tall?! It made things awkward, I felt tiny. I was always shorter than all of my friends but the height difference was never this big!

"Yeah, well it's not my fault that you're a fucking giant, Gamzee." It felt so good to finally be able to say his name right to his face. This was all just too great...

Gamzee laughed again then took my hand, leading me inside. "I think it's motherfucking bitch-tits adorable though. Now come on, I'll show you around!" My cheeks reddened a little bit as I followed him inside, deciding not to argue back for once. I was too enthralled by his huge-ass house. It wasn't a mansion or anything, but you have to realize that I live in a tiny two bedroom apartment in San Francisco only with my brother. So coming to an actual house for once in such a long time just felt plain weird and the house probably just felt a lot bigger to me than it would to anybody else. But whatever, it was nice. A little messy, but I could tell that Gamzee at least attempted to clean it up for me because it was alot cleaner looking today than it ever was on camera whenever we would video chat. That was thoughtful of him, I guess, but it would have been nicer still if he would have opened the fucking door sooner.

"You motherfucking thirsty?" He asked, bringing me into the kitchen. I didn't realize it until he asked, but it soon occurred to me that yes, I was actually super thirsty. That whole car ride we didn't make any stops so I hadn't drank anything since lunch this afternoon at school.

"Oh, uh yeah, sure." I felt so awkward, it was weird actually talking to him in person... His voice even sounded different. Not drastically different, but his voice just sounded a bit smoother in person. He sounded alot more like someone with sense than he did before.

Gamzee grinned as he quickly grabbed a drink out of his refrigerator and handed it to me. It was a bottle with purple liquid and once I turned it in my hand so that I could see the label I wasn't even surprised. Faygo. I should have fucking known.

"Gamzee, I don't want to drink your stupid clown bullshit! I heard this stuff is gross." I glared at the bottle as I spoke. There was no way I was trying this shit.

"Awe, come on Kar, just try it! I promise it'll taste motherfucking amazing. Faygo is a miracle~"

"Everything is a fucking miracle to you."

Another laugh from Gamzee. He just gave me lazy stare until I finally gave up and sipped the dumb drink. And just like I expected, it was disgusting! I had absolutely no clue how he drank this shit everyday!

"Oh my fucking god, this is horrible! Bleh!" I capped the bottle again then threw it at Gamzee. "I want this taste out my mouth, ughhh!"

"I can all up and help you with that." Gamzee chuckled then moved in closer to me, pinning me against a counter. I could feel myself blushing like a fucking anime.

"What do you mean...?" The clown's face moved closer to mine and before I knew it his lips were against mine. He wasn't just kissing me, he was _french_ kissing me, tongue and all. I panicked a little, having no clue what to do. I had never kissed anyone before, especially not like this! I made small noises, trying to pry Gamzee off of me. He was way bigger than me though so getting him off of me was next to impossible. I decided to just give in, trying to use my tongue against his as well. It felt so... weird! Gamzee deepened the kiss, pinning me even harder against the counter as he got rougher with the kiss. A weird moan escaped my lips and I slowly closed my eyes, starting to actually enjoy it. He lips felt so nice against mine and I could tell he was skilled with this whole tongue kissing thing for some reason. We went at it for about a minute or two straight but then finally ended up stopping due to lack of breath. My face was probably as red as a tomato now as I awkwardly stared at Gamzee again. Gamzee just laughed softly.

"Was that... your first motherfucking kiss?" How did he know?! Was I really that bad?! I stopped staring at him and instead looked away nervously.

"Uhh... Yeah. What the big fucking deal?! Yeah, I know, I probably sucked really bad but you didn't even ask! You just went in and fucking forced your tongue down my throat! How can you expect me to react when you do shit like tha-" Gamzee shut me up with another kiss and at this point I didn't see any use in arguing anymore. I gave in again, kissing him back.

"Chill, chill. You didn't suck, I could just tell because you all up and took a minute to realize what was going on. I'm motherfucking glad I could be your first kiss and all!"

"But... Ugh! Jeez, shut up!" I didn't know what to say. Whenever Gamzee said nice things like that I would lose track of what I was trying to say and just become really flustered and silent. I hated being the one who couldn't keep an argument going, but with Gamzee I didn't even want to argue. He turned me into such a submissive bitch, oh my fucking god. It was embarrassing.

I swear it was national laugh-at-karkat day because Gamzee was laughing _again_. He would often laugh alot when we'd video chat but I never realized how much of a giddy person he was until I had to hear that chuckle over and over again. Not that I was really complaining though, his laugh was sorta cute. ..._Cute_? Wow, did I really just say that?! Do you see how this asshole is making me think, ughh!

"So, what do you want to motherfucking do now that you're finally all up and here?" Gamzee asked curiously.

"I don't know... All I know is that I'm still fucking cold." I had no clue how Gamzee could stand just chilling in his house without the heater on. Maybe I was just sensitive to cold weather or some shit... Then again, this was Gamzee I was talking about. The guy was a fucking weirdo who did alot of things that normal people didn't do, he probably loooveeed the cold. Weird as fuck.

"Oh fuck, that gives me an idea. Wanna roast some motherfucking marshmallows?"

"If it'll warm me up then sure, why not?"

Gamzee honked at me before opening another cabinet, pulling out a bag of jumbo puff marshmallows. I'd never roasted marshmallows before so this should have been fun, I hoped.

"Follow me." Gamzee led me into the living room and sat in front of the fireplace beside me. It was already lit and everything so I figured he must've done this shit alot, probably. Either that or this was his lame excuse for a heater. Sure, it was warm up close, but it was definitely not enough to warm up the entire house or anything.

"Here you go, motherfucker~" He handed me a metal stick thing to put my marshmallow on then put his own marshmallow on his. His looked all neat and shit but when I attempted to put mine on I ended up clumsily putting it on all sideways and wrong. But whatever, it should get the job done.

I watched as he held out his marshmallow in front of the fire skillfully, making it nice and toasted. It looked easy, so I attempted to do the same with mine. ...And failed. Mine ended up catching fire and I freaked out a little, not sure what to do about it. Gamzee laughed at me then blew out the fire for me. I frowned a bit, mine was totally burnt and black, not cool.

"Do you want me to all up and help you roast yours?" Gamzee questioned. I felt so embarrassed, I hated getting help from anyone. Especially when it came to easy shit like this.

"No, I can do it!" I stuck another marshmallow out in front of the fire but then Gamzee pulled my hand away, shaking his head.

"You're doing it all motherfucking wrong. You can't put it that close, just let me show you how." I tried to argue but, before I knew it, Gamzee had placed me in his lap and wrapped one arm around my waist. I never realized that Gamzee would be such a touchy person, I swear he was wrapping himself onto me whenever he got the chance. It was nice to be held for once though so... I guess I'd allow it. For now.

"Now look, you have to hold it out like, right motherfucking here." He held onto my wrist and placed my hand in the right spot for my marshmallow to not totally burn. "And then you have to turn it while it roasts so it wont get all up and burned, Karbro."

I followed what he said and was surprised to actually do it right this time.

"Fuck, I did it! I didn't ask for your help though but... thanks..." I smiled a tiny bit and Gamzee just grinned back. I was about to finally eat my marshmallow but Gamzee stole the stick out of my hand before I could.

"Hey, I was gonna eat that, assho-"

"ShHhHhhHhHh."

"Don't fucking shh me!"

"Just let me motherfucking feed it to you, it'll be cute."

I just gave Gamzee a 'bitch r u srs' face and then turned away from him. "No!"

"Why nooot?" Gamzee tightened his arms around my waist and pulled me in closer again. He was really strong and I wasn't sure if he noticed that or not but it basically made me feel like a limp noodle being compared to a steel pole.

"A-Ah! Fine, if you'll stop holding me tight like this I'll let you! You're gonna choke me..." I felt Gamzee loosen up on me and then kiss my cheek. I guess that was his way of saying sorry but I doubt he was actually sorry at all. It was just nice to be able to breathe again.

"Open up, motherfucker~" He chimed as he held out the stick with the marshmallow on it for me. Reluctantly, I opened my mouth a bit and took a bite. Oh god, it tasted so fucking good when it was roasted right. I took a few more small bites until the marshmallow was completely gone (it took a while to finish eating these jumbo sized assholes, okay) and then glared at Gamzee, feeling as though I just totally gave into him. Which, I guess I did, but still. I didn't want to come off as being easy to sway. And I usually wasn't but... Shit. I was a sucker for this clown.

"It tastes fucking gross." I lied. Gamzee chuckled and I could feel the vibration of his laugh against my back since he was still holding my close. He leaned down and placed a playful kiss on lips and unintentionally I kissed him back on impulse. And then the sloppy makeout session began...

It started out with us just exchanging small kisses while cuddling, then it got more passionate and next thing I knew, Gamzee was on top of me placing little kisses on my neck. It was weird, I'd never been kissed there before and it kind of tickled.

"G-Gamzee stop, th-that tickles!" I managed to say in between laughs. I didn't want him to find out I was ticklish because I was more than 100% positive that he would use that to his advantage and start teasing me. Which he did because soon those kisses turned into licks and then into gentle bites. It felt really... good, honestly. Not like I would admit that though.

After a few minutes the fire stopped, leaving us in the darkness of his living room. That was probably some sort of sign that we should probably go to sleep now or something. I didn't really feel tired, then again I never slept, but still.

"We should... move into your room?" I suggested.

"Oh motherfuck yeah, we all up and should!" Gamzee then proceeded to pick me up like a goddamn princess (what a shitty prince he must be then) and carried me into his bedroom. It was a rather big room, the walls were painted purple and alot of the items in it were red, even his bed. I was placed on said bed.

"I've been motherfucking waiting for this the whole time, Karbro~" Gamzee chimed, getting on top of me again. He kissed me hard and I sort of melted. Yes, melted. I was a fucking ice cube and he was a match lit on fire. Analogies are dumb.

"Waiting for what...?" I raised a brow at him, not quite sure what he meant.

"I've been waiting for this moment..." He leaned in closer to me, whispering in my ear.

"I've been waiting all motherfucking day to be able to fuck you senseless tonight."


	6. Advice

*** SUPER LATE UPDATE IS SUPER LATE BUT YEAH HERE IT FINALLY IS! ***

**a huuuge thank you to every single one of you guys who messaged me on tumblr and kept asking for my to update! all of the compliments on my fanfic and all of the requests to update really made me happy since it let me know that people actually like my dumb fic! i seriously got over 50 messages asking me to update and/or telling me how much they liked my fic and i couldn't appreciate it more! there will be more chapters coming out alot quicker and sooner from now on, as long as i don't get writer's block again, so look forward to that!**

**ALSO ALSO! if you ever want to ask me something about the fic or want to even suggest some ideas please feel free to message me at my tumblr, my url is craigifer, same as my username on here! i'll try my best to get back to everyone, and even if you just want to tell me that you like the fic or something, it'll make me really happy and motivate me to write more! yEAH SO THAT'S IT, HERE'S THE LONG AWAITED CHAPTER SIX NOW,,, ;u;**

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"...I hope you're joking."

"I'm not."

...Fuck. He couldn't be serious.

"G-Gamzee, I can't!" I was going to admit it, I was fucking panicking. I had no clue how the whole sex thing actually went down, I was still a virgin despite the fact that all of my other friends had already lost their v-cards a long time ago. I mean, this was my first real relationship, I hadn't even kissed anyone until today, what made Gamzee think that I could handle having sex too?!

"Why not?" He leaned down again, kissing me softly on my lips. Hesitantly, I pushed him off. I didn't come here to fucking sleep with him and I wasn't expecting any of this to happen at all in the first place. I thought we'd just cuddle and watch movies and shit and go on a date or something stupid like that. Not this!

"I..." Fuck, how was I going to break this to him? I didn't want to seem like I was pushing him away or anything but I didn't want to sleep with him either. But... I figured it wouldn't hurt to at least tell him the truth... "Gamzee, I'm a virgin, okay?! I've never slept with anyone before and I basically have zero experience with anything relationship wise. And truth is, yeah, I'm fucking scared to try things! You're just going to have to deal with that if you're going to be with me and if you can't accept that then fucking get off of me!"

I actually came off alot harsher than I meant to be... Watching Gamzee's facial expressions, I frowned. At first, he looked shocked, then he looked dissappointed, then he started laughing, leaning down to kiss my cheek gently. I honestly didn't know how he felt about this now, his emotions changed every fucking second.

"That's cool, motherfucker. I didn't know." Okay, now I knew. I could hear it in his voice, he was really dissappointed and now I felt like shit. Was it weird for me to turn him down? Maybe it was because I thought you weren't supposed to fuck on the first date but... was I wrong? Was it normal for people to just give themselves up that quick? Really, I didn't know anything. I needed some advice, this was way too much for me to figure out on my own.

"Uh... I'm gonna go to the bathroom. I'll be back." Quickly, I absconded from the room and down the hall into Gamzee's bathroom. I didn't really have to go, I just needed some privacy so I could call someone.

Now who should I call? Not Sollux, his advice was always really stupid and irritating. Definitely not Eridan, I didn't even need to give myself a reason to not call him. And not Dave because he was an asshole and he could go fuck himself for all I care. Maybe John? He was usually the more helpful and reasonable one out of our group of friends and I knew he had some experience with this type of stuff since he had been dating Dave for such a long time. Yeah, I'd just go with John.

The phone rang a few times until someone picked up. Someone who was not John.

"Sup."

"Dave, what the fuck?! I called John, I want to talk to him, not you!" This asshole I swear to fucking god. He was like an annoying stray cat that you couldn't get rid of. I lay out my fucking food on my doorstep for my own cat to eat but here comes this bum-ass stray stealing the food and mistaking it as a sign to start showing up all the time. And then next thing you know, here I am taking in that stray cat and letting it scratch up all my furniture. It was fucking bullshit.

"He's in the shower. What's up? You sound worried."

"Uh..." It would be suspicious if I took too long to come back into the room with Gamzee so I figured I would just suck it up and ask Dave for advice instead, much to my dismay. "I need some help."

"Okay, what's going on?"

Okay, deep breaths Karkat, don't make yourself sound stupid...

"Basically, Gamzee wants me to sleep with him and I don't know what to do because I'm a goddamn virgin and I have no experience with this shit and I really don't want to seem like some sort of easy slut and just give in or something. And I told him that and now he seems upset? What the fuck do I do?" Oh god, I couldn't believe I was telling Dave this shit.

"Woah woah, slow down there cowboy. Okay, so you have to think of this from your boyfriend's point of view. You guys have been dating or whatever for hella long, like almost a year or something, right? Like you guys are deep into that shit, right?"

"Six months of endless texting and skyping, yes. What does that matter for?!"

"Yeah, see. I mean, if this guy's been faithful to you this whole time and hasn't cheated, especially with the distance and shit, he's probably got alot of pent up sexual needs. Like, he probably has to fucking jack it every other day or some shit. And now you're here and he can finally get a chance to bang the babe after all this time and you said no. Imagine how he feels. It's like he's been building this sandcastle for six months straight now, like it isn't even hot outside anymore, man it's probably fucking winter and he's probably ridden with all types of frostbite, and you just run over to it with your short ass and kick it down then laugh about it right in his face and he can't even cry about it because every tear that he lets out just freezes and sticks to his face. You fucked him up."

I just started tuning Dave out after he said the word 'sandcastle' because whatever we were just talking about had nothing to do with sandcastles and he was probably just rambling again with his horrible analogies, as always.

"...So, are you saying I should just fucking do it or what?!"

"You're gonna have to do something. Because if you don't I'm pretty sure he's gonna get bored of you and cheat on you with someone one of these days and you're gonna regret it and then you'll have a really messy break-up and then boom, there goes your relationship. Then I'll have to deal with hearing you cry every night through the wall and you make really gross sounds when you cry, dude."

"You think he's gonna cheat on me?! No, you're wrong, fuck you! There's no way Gamzee would cheat on me, he said he loved me and he's not the type to do that shit! And I do not sound gross when I cry! Wait. You've never even heard me cry, shut up!" Now I was really starting to get frustrated.

"You said you wanted help and I'm just trying to give you it. He's gonna cheat on you, no doubt about it, unless you satisfy him. I don't know, you don't have to go all the way or anything, just like give him some head and you should be good. Use those cute little lips of yours, Karkat."

"First of all, ew. Second of all, don't ever call any of my body parts 'cute' ever again or else I will bitchslap you so fucking hard next time I see you. I don't want to suck Gamzee's dick! I don't even know... how... to do that... correctly..."

Penis in my mouth did not sound appealing in the slightest right now.

"Man, are you serious? You just take the thing and suck it like a lollipop, minus the biting. It's pretty easy, even someone as dense as you could figure it out."

"I... I still don't get it, I feel like he'll say something to piss me of midway through it and I'll bite his... thing... off. And then I'm pretty sure he'll never talk to me again sooo?"

"So. Fuck, I don't know I-... Oh hey John."

I could hear John's voice in the background, I'm guessing he just got out of the shower or something. He had a short conversation with Dave until finally he asked Dave why he had his phone, which made Dave give him his phone back finally. Now I could talk to the one I wanted to talk to.

"Hey Karkat! What's up?"

Here we go again.

"I don't feel like explaining myself, John, but basically... I need you to tell me how to do... the do... Um. Y'know?"

"...Do the do? Huh?" John laughed a little in confusion. Ugh! I didn't want to say it, it sounded so lewd and wrong on so many levels.

"Jeeez! ...teachmehowtosuckadickokay..." I can't believe I said it.

"What? Wha...t? Wait. Oh. OH. OHHH, UM! Well... you see... You just... um... take the thing and do the thing...?"

John was not helping at all and to be perfecting honest, Dave was ten times more helpful than him, surprisingly.

"You're not helping! Ugh! I'll call you back later, I'm just going to call someone else..." I hung up then stared at my contacts, unsure as to who to call about this next.

I never really realized how many friends I actually lacked until I realized that John, Dave, and Sollux were my only three actual friends. (Eridan doesn't count. Ever.)

I _did not _want to deal with either Sollux or Eridan so I just decided to try and figure this out on my own instead. And I was prepared to fail. Horribly. Horrendously. Hideously. All of the unpleasant words that begin with _'H'_ all at once.

I wished myself luck before opening the door to Gamzee's room once again.

Here goes nothing.


End file.
